My mother, Shirley (left), now 86, and soulmate Estelle (waiting in heaven), circa 1950.
I first learned about circles of friends from my mother’s club, the Cher Amies, the Dear Friends.
Originally nine Polish women who during World War II met monthly in one another’s homes to put together packages and write letters to their soldier husbands. These army wives also ate, drank cocktails, smoked, and played Pinochle and Bunko (for prizes of $3.00, $2.00, and $1.00) while wallowing in soulful support and the hilarious pleasure of one another’s company. They also celebrated the births, weddings, and funerals in each others’ families, and so did we. I grew up wanting a circle of friends like that.
The Instinct for Sisterhood (and Brotherhood)
Practically everyone I know tells similar stories of clubs to which their mothers belonged, and groups to which they belong. My older sister Jackie has her group of Ya-Ya’s, my younger sister Debbie her Scrabblettes (of which I am an honorary member), and I have several circles of friends: my sisters in Sophia’s Circle, former colleagues in The Secret Order of Judith (the Judys), and “The Marys,” my nearest and dearest city friends. The longing to get together with our own kind is a sacred, soulful instinct. I suspect we all long for unforgettable times filled with heartfelt laughter, and we all need the soulful support of friends who share our joys and sorrows as their own, becoming extended family.
The Manner is Ordinary
For as extraordinary as that may sound, circles of friends are created in ordinary ways. Sitting around the table for hours, eating, drinking, swapping lives and laughing over what becomes the best of times. And then sharing the worst of times and feeling lifted up and carried through by such divine comfort.
Circles of friends are experts at making the ordinary extraordinary. And in creating circles of friends we are able to turn the divine energy of friendship into the activity of making miracles. In ways no one else can, dear friends turn heartache into pure joy, and sobs of sorrow into tears of laughter.
Finding Shelter
The poet Emily Dickenson noticed this about her friends: “I find it shelter to speak to you.” In all my circles of friends I, too, find that kind of soulful shelter; safe places where everything shared is revered as sacred, successes are reasons to rejoice with a party, and in times of trouble we surround one another with support. When our lives are filled with circles of friends we never walk alone because those earth angels are with us every step of the way. Blessed be our circles of friends.
Until next week, think about this:
“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” -- C.S. Lewis
Karol Jackowski, Ph.D., became a nun in 1964. She's also been a college administrator, graduate of New York University, manager of a toy store, author of eight books, painter of religious folk art, and sister to everyone she meets. Please visit her website at KarolJackowski.com.
From: Virginia Bell | 6/28/10 at 10:50 am
Hi, I love this piece; really beautiful and inspiring! (Their gatherings sound like the Marys - minus the soldiers!)And I love the photo of your Mom - so fiesty and free! I love her attitude and her outfit - especially the bag! Is that a cigarette or cigar she's smoking? What a gal! Love, Virginia
From: Karol Jackowski -- author | 6/28/10 at 10:56 am
It's a cigar. And that's cake wrapped up in the napkin. They were at a Polish wedding. They were also the neighborhood "Lucy and Ethel."
From: Debbie Seremet | 6/28/10 at 12:04 pm
Proud to call those ladies Great-Grandma to my Grandaughter and Karol's great niece, Alia! I believe she's recieved the best of all! Thanks for including the Sisterhood of the Scrabblette's in your blog it's one of the many "circle of friends" I've been blessed to have!
From: Veronica Hargrove | 6/28/10 at 12:16 pm
Loved this weeks blog! Really hit home. My own mom belonged to a bunco club as well. They would dress up in heels, dresses etc., make full meals, drink "high balls", and laugh themselves crazy. I also was in a bunco club for years, seems everyone got in when the kids were babies..it was a night out once every other Wednesday.
Shirl looks beautiful in the picture. Her spirit and humor remain intact. thanks for the article..
From: Carole Watkins | 6/28/10 at 12:36 pm
I love your photo...it reminds me of my Mom, Aunt Edna and Aunt Jean. Polish weddings were just so much fun.
Your blogs are so comforting to read...it's like sitting with a dear friend..now where's the high ball?
From: Sisterhood « Prairie Girl by Day | 6/28/10 at 2:30 pm
[...] But I won’t. Instead I will share what came to me upon reflection. After reading this blog post, I realized that this week turned out to be all about [...]
From: camille liscinsky | 6/28/10 at 6:04 pm
Amen to this article! Loved seeing the photo of your mom and recalling the bunko club my mom wisely belonged to. The piece also reminds me of a quote: "The circles of women around us weave invisible nets that carry us when we're weak and sing with us when we're strong." I'm singin' with ya.
From: Karol Jackowski -- author | 6/28/10 at 8:40 pm
Cheers to sisterhoods everywhere!
From: Pat Grabelle | 6/29/10 at 12:11 pm
Takes me way back to my own mom and lucy and ethel's card parties on I love Lucy. Thanks for reminding me what a blesing my own circle of friends means to me-siste4rs at the soul.,
From: Phyllis James | 6/29/10 at 1:19 pm
My "Club"..since 1958 we have been meeting monthly and we're still going strong. Graduated from BN in '57. Two club mates actually went to grade school with me and from the two, one friend and I are "pre-natal" friends....mothers were friends and pregnant at the same time. Our group is the cheapest therapy that one could find. We cry together, laugh together and know that we will always be there for each other. We actually "act" younger every month.
OH, those Polish weddings. I remember smoking the cigars and how about the "shots". Na Zdrowie! I lived in "The Harbor" and my parents would drive to the bakery on 149th....hmmm good. My sister went to BNI with you...Camille L.
Really enjoy your books. Weren't you the class clown? (Estelle looks familiar)
From: Karol Jackowski -- author | 6/29/10 at 1:58 pm
Nearly every woman I know belongs to some kind of Girl's Club. When people worry that nuns may be an endangered species, I don't believe that at all. While nuns as we've always know them may not exist forever, there are little sisterhoods everywhere that will. Hurray for all the Girls' Clubs. Sisters forever.
As for being the class clown, I still am.