Our world is rapidly changing -- and the old ways of doing things have come into question. I think it’s hopeful that people are more interested in living sustainably and wanting making a difference for the next generation. That means living authentically with your values. To speak to how you can bring your deepest aspirations and desires into the world, I’ll be writing a series of five blogs.
Let’s start with kind speech.
Words are the tools by which we shape and strengthen our relationships. Wise speech builds trust; speech that is thoughtless and unkind causes pain and separation from others. Words that come from being impatient, angry, reactive, and demanding can push others away. If you have been on the receiving end of this (and who hasn’t) then you know how hurtful and harmful this can be to your relationships.
Here are the 5 aspects of kind and wise speech:
1) Speak at the right time. This can mean NOT speaking – especially at those times when you are upset or reactive. It may be wiser for you to cool down by taking a short break. Come back when you are able to speak from a calmer perspective, where you can express yourself without escalating an argument or difference of opinion.
2) Speak with honesty. Honesty is the cornerstone of authentic and wise speech because it develops trust. This also means looking within and letting go of those obstacles to honesty, such as envy, greed, and self-interest. Remember that honesty does not mean that you can disguise your personal “truth” as a way to be unkind or mean-spiritied.
3) Speak with affection. Regardless of what you say, you can strive to express it with kindness and a gentle tone. It is important to express your feelings, but if you cannot speak calmly, then wait until you can use loving and gentle speech.
4) Speak in a beneficial way. Be careful and thoughtful about what you say. Make sure that your speech is beneficial, supportive, and compassionate. This means that it’s important not to gossip or use words as a weapon.
5) Speak with intention and from the heart. Make a point of speaking in a respectful, non-blaming, and non-judgmental way, even if you don’t agree with another. This lets all parties be heard and understood. This doesn’t mean you can’t defend yourself against verbal abuse, but that you can foster and deepen friendship whenever possible.
Donald Altman, M.A., LPC, is a practicing psychotherapist, former Buddhist monk, Emmy-Award-winning writer, and board member of The Center for Mindful Eating. His new book is The Mindfulness Code: Keys for Overcoming Stress, Anxiety, Fear, and Unhappiness.
From: Sophie | 11/1/10 at 11:00 am
This is a beautiful post. Thanks so much!
From: amin | 1/4/11 at 12:44 pm
i think we belong to the green family
i love that