Who’s Talking Smack About You? You Are. Catch That Self Critic in Action

February 24, 2011

Who's Talking Smack About You? You Are. Catch That Self Critic in Action

Posted by Terri Trespicio

If you were to get even a breath of a word that was said about you, good or bad, I bet you'd perk right up. You'd pay attention. Even if you don't agree with what was said. But especially if you do. We're highly sensitive to what other people think about us (deny it if you will, but I'm pretty sure if I badmouthed you on this blog, you'd let me know how you felt about it).

And yet--who's watching the store? Did you ever turn an ear to half the things, mumbled, uttered, or out-and-out shouted, that you broadcast about yourself? I realize we all have different reasons for putting ourselves down at different times. Maybe you really did screw up royally, or perhaps you need to acknowledge a mistake, etc. But I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the ongoing, and largely unconscious things we let slip about ourselves that don't reflect so well on us.

I'm going to go out on a Freudian limb here and say that maybe down deep we do publicly self-criticize because we really do think we're garbage and have a hard time believing otherwise, or in an effort to preempt other, harsher criticism. Or maybe because if we put ourselves down, in some weird twisted way, we think people will like us more. Don't ask. I don't even know if this is Freudian, but it sounds right to me.

Don't Worry. I Won't Make You Hug Yourself

So I'm not going to tell you to look in the mirror and chant that you're good enough, you're smart enough, and goddarn it people like you...nor will I encourage you to give yourself a big hug or write down the many reasons you're lovable. But I will tell you this: Stop it with the put-downs. You don't have to think you're the best, smartest, most gifted person the world over (or maybe you do) but you certainly don't have to broadcast what an idiot you think you are. Yet many of us do. Every day.

Now, I like a little self-deprecating humor. But there's funny, and then there's the chronically unfunny. And why, really think about this, why would we ever believe we could attain great success beyond our wildest dreams while impressing others if we berate ourselves (our brains, our bodies, our abilities) without hesitation?

So check yourself (before you wreck yourself, indeed). Start listening to the ways in which you become your own worst enemy, particularly when you make grand, sweeping, negative statements ("Oh, I suck at that," "I never could to xyz," "I'm too stupid to know better").

And think, if you were your own PR person, wouldn't you have been fired by now?

Check out more of my video tips right here. Terri Trespicio is senior features editor at Whole Living magazine and the host of "Whole Living" on Martha Stewart Living Radio, which airs every day at 10a East / 7a West on Sirius 112 / XM 157. Follow her on twitter @TerriT or subscribe to her videos on youtube at TerriT73.