Whole Living Daily

This morning, I was working with a patient who has had chronic low back pain for the better part of 10 years. This was the second time I had seen her, and there was a long hiatus between her first and second visits. The moment she walked into my office, the look on her face confirmed that something was terribly wrong.

It seems she had spent the last couple of months running back and forth between Philadelphia and New York to help her mother deal with treatment for lung cancer. Her mother was getting chemotherapy twice a week, as well as radiation treatments. My patient, a mother of two teenagers, was heading up to New York two to three times per week, in pain, and still managing to do her work as a decorator, and last but certainly not least, continuing to care for her family.

We spent a few minutes catching up at the beginning of her appointment. Needless to say, her pain was significantly worse. She relayed that it had been weeks since she had been to the gym, more than a month since she had played bridge—one of her favorite pastimes, and was working through the weekends as to not fall behind in her work.

I asked her when the last time was that she had taken some time for herself, to do things that helped her to feel good and relax, to which she replied that it had been way too long. In discussion, it became clear that it was not simply a matter of having no time (which of course was at a premium) but more so that she felt guilty doing things for herself.

Who Does Your Time Belong To?

My patient felt as though all of her time belonged to her mom, her kids, her work, her husband, her home—but none of it for her. I had a pretty serious problem with this, and if she had been a patient I had known for a longer time, I probably would have read her the riot act.

We all have huge levels of responsibility, and to varying degrees responsibility to and for others. In my clinical experience, I have realized quite certainly that stress, while not specifically causing problems, can take whatever problems you do have and makes them worse. Knowing this is important, because sometimes when our stress levels become elevated because of our responsibility to/for others, we forget to care for ourselves. By making her own situation worse and not taking care of herself, my patient would slowly but surely lose her ability to take care of anyone else.

Don’t let a sense of guilt or stoicism make you a martyr! Give yourself time for you. Even under the most stressful situations, having time for breaks, hobbies, recreation, and time to relax can keep you feeling fortified, and better able to care for those around you!

Andrew Kirschner, D.O., is a board-certified physician with a private practice in Bala Cynwyd, Pennsylvania, and a consultancy in Miami, Florida. He specializes in treating individuals and couples with musculoskeletal and back pain. To learn more about his practice, please visit BackTogether.org.